Charger green and battery meter shows full, but MacBook won't boot

I have a 2012 MacBook Pro 13” i7 that will not boot. When you connect a charger, the charger light shows green (and only ever green). Pressing the battery meter button shows a full battery. The machine will not boot. There is no water damage or other damage.

I’ve tried an SMC reset, shorting the boot pins on the motherboard, and trying to use Apple Earbuds mic button to start the machine (hey, it worked for somebody!). No fans ever spin and nothing seems to happen. I also tried unplugging the battery and booting with just the charger hooked up, also without success.

Where can I go from here?

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My guess would be a Logic Board problem but that would be a costly repair.